How would you like if somebody comes to you after long days of work and burdens you with a lot of questions? Did you get the vegetables, did you run the errands or did you do the work which I had reminded? Isn’t it extremely frustrating? What If we ask our child questions about the school in a similar way? We feel agitated to get back home if someone back home starts shooting at us with some questions like these after a day full of responsible work back at workplace. Human mind is designed in such a way that feeling at home literally means coming back home and unwinding with family, spending a quality time and gearing up for the next big Day after a sound, good night’s sleep.

We adults show frustration and agony by putting it out in a format of words. These words usually come out to combat the stress inside as. But what about the children who hardly can frame any sentences? Have you ever thought why children become fussy or cranky at times? It is not right on our parts to blame the poor children for crying once they are at school or they are home after school. They go to school like a clean slate after their beauty sleep. Next day, they wake up with the mind refresh, full of energy and anticipation about the day in the school.

At school they learn many things from Math, science, learning the nuances of a new language etc. They might have acquired so many skills that, it would be exciting for them to share their experiences with so many people. Children are so expressive that all they need is a reliable, go- to person, who can be all ears when the children talk. Showing off their painting skills, flaunting the small craft thingy which they did it with their best friend or proudly exhibiting some new skill which they learnt it during the football match. There can be many such pleasant things which was overwhelming or any unpleasant situations that might have upset them when they were in school. It is us who have to make sure that they express everything, hide nothing from their parents to have a perfect balance of good and challenging experiences at school.

Trust your kids for them to trust you!

So what are those question which we as parents should I ask our children once they are back from school? Is it just about how your day was or is there something more than that? Let’s look into to some of the questions which may actually brighten their tiny minds and help them to build a healthy relationship with you:

• Instead of starting with the question, give them and answer. How about starting with -” I missed you”? Or something like “I had a great day, what about you?”.

• In place of checking into their lunch boxes and giving them a stare for not completing their food, you may ask them “Whom did you have lunch with?”. This will give them a confidence that you are more concerned about them having a good company over being non- considerable for the dislike over the food.

• “What homework do you have to complete?” – this may sound lame and so much to the point, that it will seem as though you are imposing something over them. You can use words like -” Shall we look into to your bag?” or “let’s sit together and see what work your teacher has asked you to do.”. This happy involvement from our side will make them come back home with the wide smile, with confidence that they sure are going to find so much peace and attention which might not always be same at school.

• If in case your child just finished and exam or test at school, make sure you never ask your child about how much marks would you expect out of today’s test. Instead, appreciate them with applause that they successfully completed a test today. Next, ask them-“which was the best answer, which you wrote today?” or “which problem did you think solved it better?”. Positive approach in such situations helps them tackle the bigger and better problems once they are adults. Any conversation starting with a negative note will fail to fetch satisfying and mind consoling results.

Questions can be many, but it is also important for us to not have any expectation of giving positive responses from the children for any kind of sugar coated conversations from our end. Let them be. They are still young to understand the complexities of being very courteous in their responses or framing right sentences so that it won’t sound very rude. A healthy parent-child relationship is built only when a child “BEHAVES” as it has to be and the parent behaves in a fashion which they expect their child would turn out to be. The learning must always be mutual.

SO WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO ASK YOUR CHILD TODAY?

Lifestyle Changes And The Changes In Life

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A regular day when Mrs. Bhat was finishing her daily chores, asking her daughter Anvika to complete her evening snack soon so that she could head out to play with her gang of girls. Her friends usually wait for her near the play area of their posh apartment complex. The kids are seen playing with bicycles, scooters and Frisbees around this time. But that day, Anvika was hesitant to go out. She sat staring at the floor, just brushing her fingers over the cupcakes but not eating them. “Anvika! Aren’t you done yet dear? Your friends would be waiting for you. Will you not go out today?” – Mrs. Bhat cried to wake her smart 10 year old up. But Anvika was still nowhere close to getting ready. Her mother was quite worried as Anvika is usually known to be a chirpy girl who always smiles and spreads happiness with her conversation. This dull face doesn’t seem to be something usual. Mrs. Bhat gently placed her hand over Anvika’s shoulders and asked her about her sadness. That’s when Anvika broke the silence, sobbed hard over her mother’s shoulders. It was then when she revealed something that bothered her at school.

Bullying is a psychological epidemic which is prevalent at almost all parts of the world. According to Janis R. Bullock, professor at the Health and human development department of Montana State University – “Bullying is a repeated, unprovoked harmful action by one child or many children against another one.” Bullying is seen among the group of every age group of children. School, play groups, sports clubs or art class. Bullying scenarios are found at each place.

Why is this Bullying such an important discussion for parents? Why do kids get bullied or why do some kids bully their friends? The reasons differ based on the physical appearance like size, colour or other factors like caste, socio –cultural or the economic background.

Reasons for bullying…

• Possibilities that some kids bully their peer as they themselves would be insecure about their appearance or any other elements that bother them. They find solace in judging and bully the others which might comfort them. The feeling of being dominant and strong after bullying is the prime reason behind their actions.
• At some cases it would be their extended format of an aggressive behaviour. Being adamant/stubborn results in the discovery of a victim who would visibly be weak and then, they try to control the actions of the others through constant bullying in the form of playing pranks, calling them names and making silly faces which would irk the victimised child. Thus gaining a pleasure which becomes a soothing routine.
• Some children also cultivate the habit of bullying after being victimised earlier from another bully. Being a prey builds up the frustration in them which in turn results in them following some rebellious footsteps and thus, a new bully is born.

Results of bullying…

• There would be a lack of confidence. Children hesitate to open up their true self as they feel extremely paranoid about people judging them.
• Children often fall prey to depression which stretches for long if not addressed much earlier.
• Losing trust or disheartening if the bullying is from the person he/she likes or adores much.
• The baseless feeling of being powerless and the belief of being unpopular among the crowd.
• Children develop a habit of loving their own company as nothing or nobody seems to be worth of spending time with. This in turn makes them Introverts and the cycle continues.

Steps to be taken…

• Teaching them to say NO. Tell them that “No” actually means NOT acceptable. It neither means i’m not interested nor that it can be ignored. Being clear about the intentions of not getting hurt prevents damage in the initial stage, making no way for any rectifications later.
• Any learning starts from home. Never ever try to mimic your child’s behaviour and tell her/him that it’s funny or silly. Ex: Calling your son a cry baby and making silly faces. The child might never come to you to share anything in the future just to avoid one more royal round of bullying from you. Cultivating this habit might let your child either curb the inner feelings or explode it time and again due to built up extreme frustration.
• DO NOT tolerate and DO NOT irritate. No matter its friends, siblings or anyone… bullying must not be encouraged. Either getting bullied or bullying someone else…A child must be aware that this is something unpleasant which is unacceptable and must be aware of the fact that this can actually make some sad.
• Value education plays a vital role. Being kind and compassionate is one of the best policies which can be inculcated to avoid any kind of unforeseen unpleasant situations. Never make any harsh comments in front of your child giving them a “Green Signal” indicating that –‘If my mom/dad can swear, then it is acceptable in my case too.’ Ex: Keeping cool while driving a car on a heavy traffic day – Takes a lot of stress management, but hey… it’s all worth it J
• Homework for parents – Keep a check on the places or the people whom your child interacts with. If you sense that something is bothering your child, try to spend more time with them instead of asking them directly. Involuntary behaviour speaks a lot about their personality. You never know – Your child may be a victim or a culprit who is bullying others and is trying to hide it from you.

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मित्रद्रोही कृतघ्नश्च यश्च विश्वासघातकः ।
ते नरा नरकं यान्ति यावच्चन्द्रदिवाकरौ ॥

Meaning

One who is known for distrust; who shows no gratitude for the rendered favours and who conspires – people like them are sure to conquer hell. This rule prevails until the sun and moon exists. – Panchatantra

The value for belief, fidelity and trustworthiness are always glorified since time immemorial. Hope is what the whole world is living on. We go to sleep everyday with a hope of a sunrise which wakes us up and gets to see our loved ones. What if one day the sun fails to rise, or what if the earth stops its revolution and we never get to see the bright daylight? Our hope is shattered when something doesn’t work the way how we trusted them to turn out.

Trust – sounds like a very small word but has a lot to do with rational growth of a child. It shapes ones emotional stability to an extent that outcome of which is what is described as “Sana in corpore sano” in Latin which means – Sound mind in a sound body.

Trust is what makes a baby laugh when we raise the child up in the air. The same trust is the one which makes a teenager confess that he missed his classes to go watch a movie with his friends to his mother, with a promise that this wouldn’t happen every other day. Why is trust so important in a man’s life? Fidelity over thinking takes a long time to develop as it can just be imbibed gradually into a person’s mind that ‘yes, this person is the one whom I can believe, regardless of any situation’.

Children are susceptible to some trust issues due to which they tend to suffer either in minor circumstances like parental control and friends’ association or sometimes in a big picture which are not so less serious like child abuse, child trafficking etc. The adults with minimal humanitarian values and abundant satanic reflections tend to harm the naivety in the child.

Building a reliable connection with a child is as important as watering a plant for its constant growth.

Why?

• Being true to oneself and others can invent a new human being who grows up to be a responsible adult who preserves an immense long term healthy relationship with parents. According to Danielle Kassow – “The parent-child relationship is the first social relationship.”
• A child who is rewarded with an environment that promoted trust and loyalty would definitely make him/her a dependable adult who would grow up to be a non- believer of infidelity or emotional betrayal.
• It would be an advantage for a children if they could differentiate between the safe and the unsafe people who would impend to harm them. This not just includes physical abuse but also the intentional embarrassment or any kind of emotional stress which would come with an unworthy behaviour. These are the times when a child requires a “Trustworthy” person…be it a parent, a teacher or any other person whom the child considers harmless or “the one whom I can talk to” kind of a dependable adult.

There are many ways which can ensure a relationship packed with trust.

How?

• Being a good listener: Encourage your kids to speak. Let them be expressive enough for you to know everything about them. When they are putting their thoughts in front of you, be attentive and act diligently without constant judging. Do not be negligible while your child is either reciting a rhyme she learnt it in the school or when your son explains a funny incident about how his friend spilled water on his shirt while gulping some. Things important for them might appear silly for us. But spending some time laughing with your youngster for no definite reason in a stress therapy by itself.
• Watch yourself: Children often learn things either by acquired learning or imitating those who for them is deemed a reliable source – The “Adults” in the house. White lies like answering the caller over the phone that her father is not at home when he is right there sitting on the couch can make your daughter think twice as your thoughts are deceptive and contradictory. Do not make your child translate your thoughts into a conclusion that – ‘promises are made to break’ or ‘it is OK to not to tell the truth always’. A strong belief that ‘my parent/teacher actually does what he/she says’ is the greatest accomplishment when it’s winning the child’s trust.
• Flexible vs. Reasonable: When your child pleads to watch his favorite cartoon for the last 2 minutes, LET IT GO! Yes, studies show that letting your child indulge in vigilant limits should cater to their consideration that the parents are really concerned about their preferences. This would develop the kid’s fondness over their parent all the more and they will definitely consider their parents as the people worth looking up to.
• Activities together: Engaging in simple crafts, letting your child use Scissors and paper-cutter under your invigilation also evokes their trust in you. They would involuntarily judge you as ‘a person who would never try to get me in to trouble’. Take them outdoors to play in a swing and doing wall climbing activities together can lay a strong foundation of trust.

Boast their confidence to let them certify you by confirming to their tender minds that it is YOU who is that “GO-TO” person they can rely on. Good luck!

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