How would you like if somebody comes to you after long days of work and burdens you with a lot of questions? Did you get the vegetables, did you run the errands or did you do the work which I had reminded? Isn’t it extremely frustrating? What If we ask our child questions about the school in a similar way? We feel agitated to get back home if someone back home starts shooting at us with some questions like these after a day full of responsible work back at workplace. Human mind is designed in such a way that feeling at home literally means coming back home and unwinding with family, spending a quality time and gearing up for the next big Day after a sound, good night’s sleep.

We adults show frustration and agony by putting it out in a format of words. These words usually come out to combat the stress inside as. But what about the children who hardly can frame any sentences? Have you ever thought why children become fussy or cranky at times? It is not right on our parts to blame the poor children for crying once they are at school or they are home after school. They go to school like a clean slate after their beauty sleep. Next day, they wake up with the mind refresh, full of energy and anticipation about the day in the school.

At school they learn many things from Math, science, learning the nuances of a new language etc. They might have acquired so many skills that, it would be exciting for them to share their experiences with so many people. Children are so expressive that all they need is a reliable, go- to person, who can be all ears when the children talk. Showing off their painting skills, flaunting the small craft thingy which they did it with their best friend or proudly exhibiting some new skill which they learnt it during the football match. There can be many such pleasant things which was overwhelming or any unpleasant situations that might have upset them when they were in school. It is us who have to make sure that they express everything, hide nothing from their parents to have a perfect balance of good and challenging experiences at school.

Trust your kids for them to trust you!

So what are those question which we as parents should I ask our children once they are back from school? Is it just about how your day was or is there something more than that? Let’s look into to some of the questions which may actually brighten their tiny minds and help them to build a healthy relationship with you:

• Instead of starting with the question, give them and answer. How about starting with -” I missed you”? Or something like “I had a great day, what about you?”.

• In place of checking into their lunch boxes and giving them a stare for not completing their food, you may ask them “Whom did you have lunch with?”. This will give them a confidence that you are more concerned about them having a good company over being non- considerable for the dislike over the food.

• “What homework do you have to complete?” – this may sound lame and so much to the point, that it will seem as though you are imposing something over them. You can use words like -” Shall we look into to your bag?” or “let’s sit together and see what work your teacher has asked you to do.”. This happy involvement from our side will make them come back home with the wide smile, with confidence that they sure are going to find so much peace and attention which might not always be same at school.

• If in case your child just finished and exam or test at school, make sure you never ask your child about how much marks would you expect out of today’s test. Instead, appreciate them with applause that they successfully completed a test today. Next, ask them-“which was the best answer, which you wrote today?” or “which problem did you think solved it better?”. Positive approach in such situations helps them tackle the bigger and better problems once they are adults. Any conversation starting with a negative note will fail to fetch satisfying and mind consoling results.

Questions can be many, but it is also important for us to not have any expectation of giving positive responses from the children for any kind of sugar coated conversations from our end. Let them be. They are still young to understand the complexities of being very courteous in their responses or framing right sentences so that it won’t sound very rude. A healthy parent-child relationship is built only when a child “BEHAVES” as it has to be and the parent behaves in a fashion which they expect their child would turn out to be. The learning must always be mutual.

SO WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO ASK YOUR CHILD TODAY?

Lifestyle Changes And The Changes In Life

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मित्रद्रोही कृतघ्नश्च यश्च विश्वासघातकः ।
ते नरा नरकं यान्ति यावच्चन्द्रदिवाकरौ ॥

Meaning

One who is known for distrust; who shows no gratitude for the rendered favours and who conspires – people like them are sure to conquer hell. This rule prevails until the sun and moon exists. – Panchatantra

The value for belief, fidelity and trustworthiness are always glorified since time immemorial. Hope is what the whole world is living on. We go to sleep everyday with a hope of a sunrise which wakes us up and gets to see our loved ones. What if one day the sun fails to rise, or what if the earth stops its revolution and we never get to see the bright daylight? Our hope is shattered when something doesn’t work the way how we trusted them to turn out.

Trust – sounds like a very small word but has a lot to do with rational growth of a child. It shapes ones emotional stability to an extent that outcome of which is what is described as “Sana in corpore sano” in Latin which means – Sound mind in a sound body.

Trust is what makes a baby laugh when we raise the child up in the air. The same trust is the one which makes a teenager confess that he missed his classes to go watch a movie with his friends to his mother, with a promise that this wouldn’t happen every other day. Why is trust so important in a man’s life? Fidelity over thinking takes a long time to develop as it can just be imbibed gradually into a person’s mind that ‘yes, this person is the one whom I can believe, regardless of any situation’.

Children are susceptible to some trust issues due to which they tend to suffer either in minor circumstances like parental control and friends’ association or sometimes in a big picture which are not so less serious like child abuse, child trafficking etc. The adults with minimal humanitarian values and abundant satanic reflections tend to harm the naivety in the child.

Building a reliable connection with a child is as important as watering a plant for its constant growth.

Why?

• Being true to oneself and others can invent a new human being who grows up to be a responsible adult who preserves an immense long term healthy relationship with parents. According to Danielle Kassow – “The parent-child relationship is the first social relationship.”
• A child who is rewarded with an environment that promoted trust and loyalty would definitely make him/her a dependable adult who would grow up to be a non- believer of infidelity or emotional betrayal.
• It would be an advantage for a children if they could differentiate between the safe and the unsafe people who would impend to harm them. This not just includes physical abuse but also the intentional embarrassment or any kind of emotional stress which would come with an unworthy behaviour. These are the times when a child requires a “Trustworthy” person…be it a parent, a teacher or any other person whom the child considers harmless or “the one whom I can talk to” kind of a dependable adult.

There are many ways which can ensure a relationship packed with trust.

How?

• Being a good listener: Encourage your kids to speak. Let them be expressive enough for you to know everything about them. When they are putting their thoughts in front of you, be attentive and act diligently without constant judging. Do not be negligible while your child is either reciting a rhyme she learnt it in the school or when your son explains a funny incident about how his friend spilled water on his shirt while gulping some. Things important for them might appear silly for us. But spending some time laughing with your youngster for no definite reason in a stress therapy by itself.
• Watch yourself: Children often learn things either by acquired learning or imitating those who for them is deemed a reliable source – The “Adults” in the house. White lies like answering the caller over the phone that her father is not at home when he is right there sitting on the couch can make your daughter think twice as your thoughts are deceptive and contradictory. Do not make your child translate your thoughts into a conclusion that – ‘promises are made to break’ or ‘it is OK to not to tell the truth always’. A strong belief that ‘my parent/teacher actually does what he/she says’ is the greatest accomplishment when it’s winning the child’s trust.
• Flexible vs. Reasonable: When your child pleads to watch his favorite cartoon for the last 2 minutes, LET IT GO! Yes, studies show that letting your child indulge in vigilant limits should cater to their consideration that the parents are really concerned about their preferences. This would develop the kid’s fondness over their parent all the more and they will definitely consider their parents as the people worth looking up to.
• Activities together: Engaging in simple crafts, letting your child use Scissors and paper-cutter under your invigilation also evokes their trust in you. They would involuntarily judge you as ‘a person who would never try to get me in to trouble’. Take them outdoors to play in a swing and doing wall climbing activities together can lay a strong foundation of trust.

Boast their confidence to let them certify you by confirming to their tender minds that it is YOU who is that “GO-TO” person they can rely on. Good luck!

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