How would you like if somebody comes to you after long days of work and burdens you with a lot of questions? Did you get the vegetables, did you run the errands or did you do the work which I had reminded? Isn’t it extremely frustrating? What If we ask our child questions about the school in a similar way? We feel agitated to get back home if someone back home starts shooting at us with some questions like these after a day full of responsible work back at workplace. Human mind is designed in such a way that feeling at home literally means coming back home and unwinding with family, spending a quality time and gearing up for the next big Day after a sound, good night’s sleep.

We adults show frustration and agony by putting it out in a format of words. These words usually come out to combat the stress inside as. But what about the children who hardly can frame any sentences? Have you ever thought why children become fussy or cranky at times? It is not right on our parts to blame the poor children for crying once they are at school or they are home after school. They go to school like a clean slate after their beauty sleep. Next day, they wake up with the mind refresh, full of energy and anticipation about the day in the school.

At school they learn many things from Math, science, learning the nuances of a new language etc. They might have acquired so many skills that, it would be exciting for them to share their experiences with so many people. Children are so expressive that all they need is a reliable, go- to person, who can be all ears when the children talk. Showing off their painting skills, flaunting the small craft thingy which they did it with their best friend or proudly exhibiting some new skill which they learnt it during the football match. There can be many such pleasant things which was overwhelming or any unpleasant situations that might have upset them when they were in school. It is us who have to make sure that they express everything, hide nothing from their parents to have a perfect balance of good and challenging experiences at school.

Trust your kids for them to trust you!

So what are those question which we as parents should I ask our children once they are back from school? Is it just about how your day was or is there something more than that? Let’s look into to some of the questions which may actually brighten their tiny minds and help them to build a healthy relationship with you:

• Instead of starting with the question, give them and answer. How about starting with -” I missed you”? Or something like “I had a great day, what about you?”.

• In place of checking into their lunch boxes and giving them a stare for not completing their food, you may ask them “Whom did you have lunch with?”. This will give them a confidence that you are more concerned about them having a good company over being non- considerable for the dislike over the food.

• “What homework do you have to complete?” – this may sound lame and so much to the point, that it will seem as though you are imposing something over them. You can use words like -” Shall we look into to your bag?” or “let’s sit together and see what work your teacher has asked you to do.”. This happy involvement from our side will make them come back home with the wide smile, with confidence that they sure are going to find so much peace and attention which might not always be same at school.

• If in case your child just finished and exam or test at school, make sure you never ask your child about how much marks would you expect out of today’s test. Instead, appreciate them with applause that they successfully completed a test today. Next, ask them-“which was the best answer, which you wrote today?” or “which problem did you think solved it better?”. Positive approach in such situations helps them tackle the bigger and better problems once they are adults. Any conversation starting with a negative note will fail to fetch satisfying and mind consoling results.

Questions can be many, but it is also important for us to not have any expectation of giving positive responses from the children for any kind of sugar coated conversations from our end. Let them be. They are still young to understand the complexities of being very courteous in their responses or framing right sentences so that it won’t sound very rude. A healthy parent-child relationship is built only when a child “BEHAVES” as it has to be and the parent behaves in a fashion which they expect their child would turn out to be. The learning must always be mutual.

SO WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO ASK YOUR CHILD TODAY?

Lifestyle Changes And The Changes In Life

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That time of the year at your child’s school when you have no clue about what to expect. A sense of happiness or the timidness which is prevalent in every parent’s face that day. The PTM! The day when the teacher unfolds the unseen or the unheard side of your little buddies. It is indeed normal for anyone to contain an anticipation about this Parents Teachers Meeting, as this is the only forum where the parents can discuss their concerns with the teachers in a  systematized way with proper details and reports pertaining to the student’s performance in a given semester or a term. Not just the curriculum based performance review but the overall behaviour of the ward will be considered a point for discussion during these sessions.

What is the necessity of such meetings? What value does this hold in the academic year of a student? What difference does this make in the mind of those parents who leave no stone unturned to see their kids reach all heights of success?

PTM encourages a close link between the parents, teachers and the students. It builds a strong working relationship among the above mentioned 3 elements in support of the satisfactory student life tenure which fails to work smoothly if one of these three fails to reciprocate satisfactorily.

Let us today discuss this amazing platform of performance oriented meeting called PTM in a 3 dimensional perspective.

1. Teacher
2. Student
3. Parent

TEACHER:

A teacher is not just a person who teaches what is written in the books or what is mentioned in the curriculum.  Children spend their huge chunk of the day in the school. During this time, a teacher is the one who is always surrounded by the students who depend on her/him for many things. A preschooler needs a teacher to wipe her tears in the absence of her mother, a 5^th grader needs help to know about his conflict of the mind to follow both his passions of science and sports or it might be a 10^th grader who would hesitantly approach her teacher to talk about the issues between her parents. A teacher can be supportive and destructive if given either less or no interest towards the concerns of those students who approach them with a lot of trust and confidence.

• Staying calm and composed during the meetings by expressing the problem areas as the concerns and not the complaints is a task by itself.
• Not loosing cool and at the same time not accepting abusive behaviour coming from the parents is really important.
• Each parent is different or they might be same and repetitive. Patience is the only weapon. They might ask questions so unfair and irrelevant. Try to convince and console them that their children are in safe hands. Do not ever jump into conclusions by judging the kid’s behaviour based on the parents’ conversational patterns.
• If any concerns about the child, chart out the remedial methods together instead of always suggesting something about the parenting or the upbringing skills. That might sound offensive.
• If a child is doing well, acknowledge the parenting capabilities of the parents. This will for sure help to build a respectable relationship. The parents will also feel that they and their child are moving together in a same direction.

PARENTS:

• Teachers are humans too; they do not possess super powers to change things overnight. Kindly enter the school premises with this thought. If any problem persists, expressing that in a civil manner and having a healthy discussion about mending some unpolished skills of the child will fetch long time victory.
• School does not function just for a single child. It is a collective effort of many students to adhere to the rules and regulations of the school no matter how different these rules are from what is followed at home. Never expect to change them for the sake of your child. The discipline and the decorum have to be considered.
• Instead of pondering over many things and beating around bushes killing time, make a list of those concern areas about your child. This will save time on the parents who are behind you waiting for their turn.
• Being good at studies and seeing A+ although the report card should not be the only agenda. Ask about your kid’s upcoming school day dance performance or the football match which is round the corner.
• Your children, who are the way you think, might not be the same at school. Listen to the teachers patiently about any behavioral changes which were unnoticed by you.
• Ask for steps taken for improvement in some shady areas. Suggestions of the teachers definitely come handy as they have seen many children like yours and all you know is just your sweet little child.

Building Trust : Edustoke

STUDENTS:

• Both your parents and the teachers love you. PTMs are just a simple meeting to know your performance at school. Not a complaint box which would be presented to you which just says – “Lack of Improvement” or “Scope for Improvement”. DO NOT PANIC.
• If there is a PTM coming up and there are any concerns from your side which has to be addressed, kindly reach out to either your teacher of your parents depending on your comfort level. There is nothing in this world that cannot be solved. Talking and sharing things can solve half the problems. During the PTMs your concerns would be attended confidentially and with utmost dignity.
• Losing hope and lack of trust in both your parents and the teacher will fetch no results to the demon you are struggling to fight inside you all alone. Speak out! There will definitely be a shoulder next to you.
• Take charge, act responsibly. When your teacher and your parent try to convince you about the possible areas of concern about your behaviour or the studies, never give up on them. Always remember- your parents were the ones who clapped with a teary eyed joy when you laid your first step without a help. It was your teacher who beamed with pride and happiness when she saw you getting a 45/100 as compared to your usual 30 or 32. Any problem small or big…listening to them with an assuring look of positive improvement will make no harm. Your win is their victory.

Accepting Criticism and Overcoming them!

So PTMs can prove different to each one of us. But the final motto is the same – To build an effective student life and maintain a healthy equilibrium for a smoother functioning of an educational institution. A parallel march of ideas and ideologies can get many things to track. A unidirectional thought process can create an irreparable dent in the mind of parents who give up on their child, the student whose levels of frustration will reach an intangible height or the teacher who makes a baseless effort to mend and bend the innocent mind which succumbs to a lack of effective communication.

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मित्रद्रोही कृतघ्नश्च यश्च विश्वासघातकः ।
ते नरा नरकं यान्ति यावच्चन्द्रदिवाकरौ ॥

Meaning

One who is known for distrust; who shows no gratitude for the rendered favours and who conspires – people like them are sure to conquer hell. This rule prevails until the sun and moon exists. – Panchatantra

The value for belief, fidelity and trustworthiness are always glorified since time immemorial. Hope is what the whole world is living on. We go to sleep everyday with a hope of a sunrise which wakes us up and gets to see our loved ones. What if one day the sun fails to rise, or what if the earth stops its revolution and we never get to see the bright daylight? Our hope is shattered when something doesn’t work the way how we trusted them to turn out.

Trust – sounds like a very small word but has a lot to do with rational growth of a child. It shapes ones emotional stability to an extent that outcome of which is what is described as “Sana in corpore sano” in Latin which means – Sound mind in a sound body.

Trust is what makes a baby laugh when we raise the child up in the air. The same trust is the one which makes a teenager confess that he missed his classes to go watch a movie with his friends to his mother, with a promise that this wouldn’t happen every other day. Why is trust so important in a man’s life? Fidelity over thinking takes a long time to develop as it can just be imbibed gradually into a person’s mind that ‘yes, this person is the one whom I can believe, regardless of any situation’.

Children are susceptible to some trust issues due to which they tend to suffer either in minor circumstances like parental control and friends’ association or sometimes in a big picture which are not so less serious like child abuse, child trafficking etc. The adults with minimal humanitarian values and abundant satanic reflections tend to harm the naivety in the child.

Building a reliable connection with a child is as important as watering a plant for its constant growth.

Why?

• Being true to oneself and others can invent a new human being who grows up to be a responsible adult who preserves an immense long term healthy relationship with parents. According to Danielle Kassow – “The parent-child relationship is the first social relationship.”
• A child who is rewarded with an environment that promoted trust and loyalty would definitely make him/her a dependable adult who would grow up to be a non- believer of infidelity or emotional betrayal.
• It would be an advantage for a children if they could differentiate between the safe and the unsafe people who would impend to harm them. This not just includes physical abuse but also the intentional embarrassment or any kind of emotional stress which would come with an unworthy behaviour. These are the times when a child requires a “Trustworthy” person…be it a parent, a teacher or any other person whom the child considers harmless or “the one whom I can talk to” kind of a dependable adult.

There are many ways which can ensure a relationship packed with trust.

How?

• Being a good listener: Encourage your kids to speak. Let them be expressive enough for you to know everything about them. When they are putting their thoughts in front of you, be attentive and act diligently without constant judging. Do not be negligible while your child is either reciting a rhyme she learnt it in the school or when your son explains a funny incident about how his friend spilled water on his shirt while gulping some. Things important for them might appear silly for us. But spending some time laughing with your youngster for no definite reason in a stress therapy by itself.
• Watch yourself: Children often learn things either by acquired learning or imitating those who for them is deemed a reliable source – The “Adults” in the house. White lies like answering the caller over the phone that her father is not at home when he is right there sitting on the couch can make your daughter think twice as your thoughts are deceptive and contradictory. Do not make your child translate your thoughts into a conclusion that – ‘promises are made to break’ or ‘it is OK to not to tell the truth always’. A strong belief that ‘my parent/teacher actually does what he/she says’ is the greatest accomplishment when it’s winning the child’s trust.
• Flexible vs. Reasonable: When your child pleads to watch his favorite cartoon for the last 2 minutes, LET IT GO! Yes, studies show that letting your child indulge in vigilant limits should cater to their consideration that the parents are really concerned about their preferences. This would develop the kid’s fondness over their parent all the more and they will definitely consider their parents as the people worth looking up to.
• Activities together: Engaging in simple crafts, letting your child use Scissors and paper-cutter under your invigilation also evokes their trust in you. They would involuntarily judge you as ‘a person who would never try to get me in to trouble’. Take them outdoors to play in a swing and doing wall climbing activities together can lay a strong foundation of trust.

Boast their confidence to let them certify you by confirming to their tender minds that it is YOU who is that “GO-TO” person they can rely on. Good luck!

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